Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful...abounding in steadfast love. Joel 2:13
In my own life I pretty well know how hard it is for me to trust that I am loved, and to trust that the intimacy I most crave is there for me. I most often live as if I have to earn love, do something noteworthy, and then perhaps I might get something in return.
This attitude touches the whole question of what is called in our spiritual lives, the "first love."
Do I really believe that I am loved first, independent of what I do or what I accomplish? This is an important question because as long as I think that what I most need I have to earn, deserve, and collect by hard work, I will never get what I most need and desire, which is a love that cannot be earned, but that is freely given.
So, my returning to trust is my willingness to renounce thoughts of performing and to choose to live more and more from my true identity as a cherished child of God.
This is who you are, Sarah. You are loved first.
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